stop romanticizing unhealthy relationships.
stop thinking you can change someone. you can’t. they need to change for themselves.
stop romanticizing the idea of you two being together some day. if it isn’t happening now, let it go.
no more pouring your heart out for someone who gives you little to no reciprocation.
find someone who values your long letters and passionate attempts. this person will reciprocate, with twice as much fire.
Still no video as my computer is still shot, but here’s a doodle I did at work yesterday when I was in the office all by myself because everyone else was at a conference, and I have zero self-discipline when left alone.
I got my first ever paid job! Only ‘til end of June, but it’s exactly the area I wanted to work in, and hopefully I’ll be better placed in getting jobs afterwards with actual experience on my CV rather than my overly exaggerated ‘experience’. Such a relief after being rejected from so many jobs, and one particularly bad day where I received three rejections in a row. Getting my first payslip was also particularly awesome, though I was a little sad it was electronic so I didn’t have an actual cheque to hold in my hand.
I’m slowly getting used to the workplace though I am quite shy when it comes to talking to people I don’t know and I’ve been dreading lunch times in the tiny tea room. They all seem to be so close and I feel too awkward to join in their conversations. Hopefully it’ll get better!
Unrelated, I’m so stoked I found this Ugly Betty gif.
8 months later update: apparently I kept up the pretense of knowing what I’m doing so well that they’ve decided to make my fixed term position a permanent full time role, and after the paperwork is done, I’ll be officially permanently employed with full rights (i.e. paid sick leave, they’ll pay for my professional practicing certificate, trainings, conference costs, and subsidised further study if I ever forget the pain that was university)!! I didn’t even have to do a formal interview for the permanent role as I was the only one who applied, and they already knew me. My entire experience of getting my first permanent full time job has been a truly odd one, but I’m grateful.
Also, it’s funny to see the difference 8 months makes - I’m definitely a lot less shy now with my coworkers (in fact some might say I’ve been a bit too open) and I’m always having lots of fun chats throughout the day. I still don’t like eating lunch in the tea room, but it’s less of a deal now. So yay for personal and professional growth!